Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want
is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
~Oprah Winfrey~
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***Disclaimer
Disclaimer: All advices given here are based on the guru's experiences and interpretation of the case. The guru will not be held responsible for any consequences.
I am from Singapore. And My english wasn't very good... I am 23 yrs soon 24. I have this problem where if i like a girl, i will avoid her.
i knew this 23 yrs old chinese girl who is malaysian 5 years ago in poly (year2003). during 1st year 2nd semester in polytechnic, i confessed to her that i like her in MRT, she stunned for a while, don't know what to say, then she shaked her head left and right without saying anything. Until then, i don't dare to talk to her much. 3 years later (year 2006), when we were almost graduate from our course, i wrote a testimonial to all my friends, including, telling her that i still like her through a website i created for my classmates when each individual needs to login to view the testimonial.
Within days, she replied with a long email, more than 1000 words most likely, talking about how she fears of crowd, and her concerns and difficulties coming to singapore and study/work, talking about her friends and also stated sometime during polytechnic she does likes me too. I was rather touched because this is the first girl who tells she likes me. But again, due to my relationship phobia of liking someone but yet, don't dare to talk to her face to face or asking her out, i did nothing at all after that email. Soon after graduated from polytechnic, i went to NS. During this 2 years, all this while, we keep contact in email in a 3 monthly basis.
In year Aug 2008, one of my friend as well as her friend's wedding party (The same friend we know of), and she was the bridemaid. Don't know why, this time round, after 2 years without meeting face to face, i am able to approach her and said hi first, asking her how is she. A bit chit chat and jokes during the wedding cemonary. After my friend wedding, one of my good male friend, me and her have to make a 15 minutes walk in a slient, dark, one way street to the busstop. Again i had the chance to do some chitchat, as well as in the bus. Soon reached to a MRT station, i gave her a handshake for farewell and we went different direction.
Since then, i had been thinking about her again till now.
Because i have seen alot of breaking-up-couples, divorces in my life, two-timer or three-timer, and i am also have commitment phobia, i have been thinking what happen if we are really together, will we break up. What happened if we are married, will we divorces. I am quite confident that i have the gut to confess to her again, maybe not face to face, but through email. I am not because fear of rejection but my concern is more on those bad memories we may have if we are being together. I don't wish to destory the wonderful image of her - *if one day after we break up, i may hate her to core. -
I was thinking, althought i like her, however i really don't know her very well, on the appearance, she is wonderful to me, but is she a two timer, is she a 2 face personality, is she a person who toy people's feeling, is she a great spender,... etc, or maybe totally different from what i suppose to expect...
Should i confess again or remains single to retain the wonderful memories of her? Is single better for me rather than getting into relationship?
CHUNG HONG
Hi Chung Hong, I can understand your phobia of getting into a relationship and it might be difficult for you to overcome that on your own. To me, life has it's ups and downs so if we are always afraid of the downs, we will miss all the ups as well. Everything is the same. Does it mean you don't go and take your exams because you know you might fail? Or are you afraid of car accidents and you don't dare to take cars? For all relationships, nobody can guarantee that it will 100% work. Everyone make their own judgement on the person they chose and try their best to make it work. If it works, good for them and if not, they move on with life. Though I should warn you it's an important choice to make. Thus, you should get to know the person more first before deciding on anything. From what you said, I don't think you know the girl very well so why not take this chance to know her better? After that, you can then decide if both of you are compatible or not or if she is the girl you want to share your life with. Without taking the first step, nothing will happen. All the best and let me know the outcome ok? A Luv Guru
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"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love"
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5 Aug 08, 14:44 Simran: Hi, luv guru, I am in some trouble and i have some quries too.
5 Aug 08, 14:48 Simran: Actually, I am in love wid someone his name is Raj, he loves me a lot and me too, our relation is four years old, bt there is sum problem or misunderstanding, till march 2008 had a gud relation.
5 Aug 08, 14:52 Simran: than a guy who want to mary him come into my life his name is Gaurav, bt i refuse his proposal, thn suddently i accept dat. coz raj and i we hadd physical relation and i no he does nt want to marry me
5 Aug 08, 15:32 Simran: due to his parents or his ego problem, thats why i decide 2 marry wid Gaurav. raj is cumng 2 my life n he said 2 marry me. i tell him all Gaurav. Raj said 'i hav sum physical relation wid him.
5 Aug 08, 15:34 Simran: bt its nt true, i dont hav any relation nor physical neigther mentaly, i am just wid him for my future secure, nw we hav dispute, he used abusing language always, bt i stll luv Raj, i leave Gaurav, bt
5 Aug 08, 15:36 Simran: till raj dont understand me, nw we break-up. bt i dont want dat he always thing i am prosetute, i am sincere wid my luv, plz help me out, hw i can 4get him? i luv him n he too, he also hurt.plz luvgur
Hi Simran, Your story does seems a bit complicated to me and I am not sure I get the right picture. You were with Raj for 4 years and have physical intimate relationship with him but he doesn't want to marry you because of parents and ego problem? May I know what ego problem? Then you met Gaurav and he wanted to marry you. You agreed initially and later decided to leave him and go back to Raj. Yet Raj is accusing you of having physical relationship with Gaurav and quarrel with you often and broke up with you? He also thinks you are a prostitute? Now you still love him and want to forget him? Am I right? If what I said above is the right interpretation, then it's only right for you to forget Raj and move on with your life. He does not deserve your love since he thinks you are a prostitute and do not trust you (since he suspects your relationship with Gaurav). Anyway, his family and ego problems will not allow him to marry you so there's no future for both of you. Please move on and find someone like Gaurav who love you and willing to give you a future. However, you must make sure that you love him also and not just because you want a substitute for Raj. Ok? A Luv Guru
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"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love"
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