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Friday, June 20, 2008

Dear luvguru,

I have to let you understand that I'm only 16, but I've been troubled for a year now, and I really need some real advice other than people telling me to "focus on your studies, more important". Well, I'm not sure where should I start so here it goes. There's this guy classmate of mine, whom has a really really good affinity(?) with girls. Meaning, he seem to be closer friends with girls.

Frankly speaking, I am really no popular/noisy/attention-centered girl in my class and I never really thought we could become such close friends. But until last year June, I don't know why, but we started to be friends. How should I put it, it just came naturally?

Like, he would sit beside me during lessons, borrow notes from me, ask me to copy some stuffs for him etc. Well, feelings can really develop, and to say the truth, I think it all sparked from there. Rumors flew and stuff, but at the same time, he treated me, just like how he treated every single person.

As time flew, he started to open up to me, like sharing all his problems with me. So of course it felt kind of special you know? It's like someone whom you don't know really that well suddenly opens up to you, so from then on, I felt kind of special. But then, I guess that's the way he is, because it seems like he opens up to.. well, everyone.

I guess I did get the attention I want from him at the end, because he started to call me every single night just to ask me simply "Got what homework?" and stuffs. At first, I just gave in to him, and of course we ended up chatting nonsensical stuffs, okay actually he did all the talking.

This continues on until.. today I guess. But of course this year it's become lesser. What exactly is my problem? Well, it's like sometimes I feel like he's making use of me instead. It's like, ask me copy things for him, file things for him etc. Eh, come on, I'm not his only friend? And furthermore, sometimes I really really feel so irritated by his calls I just ignore them. And the thing is, sometimes he gets so demanding, like as if I MUST help him.

To make things worse, I am not very strong on my stand. Because, sometimes he does things that really can.. melt my heart indirectly. And just recently, he sms-ed me at early morning to ask if I've slept yet, when I woke up, I saw the message and I was fuming mad, because I was like thinking, "Eh, confirm ask me got what homework." And to my surprise, he actually told me that he couldn't sleep at that time and was wondering if I'm asleep. Later that afternoon he called me, and again, I ignored his call (even though I felt quite.. bad), so I told him I'm not free to answer his call now. And I thought he will keep calling (like last time), instead he just said, "oh okay wanted to ask you a simple question, never mind you go do your stuffs."

I know it may sound very simple to you, but to me, I feel very.. I don't know. It's like all these while for this year I keep giving him lots of cold shoulders and stuff, and then now like I feel, actually maybe he's really not making use of me.

Sigh, I really don't know how to make this whole situation seem clear to you, and I'm sorry. >.< It's just, I don't know how to express my feelings well I guess. But really, somethings he does to me is really very small and simple and, touches my heart. But sometimes he gets so demanding I feel so irritated by him (like when he will keep begging me to go and study with him), and then after awhile I will think back and ponder again. It's never ending and it seriously is bugging me.

Truth is, I email-ed this to you not because I want to have a happy ending with him or whatsoever, actually I don't know what I want. I don't need to go into a BGR now, and studies are of course still my priority (so no worries), it's just that he's my classmate, and I have to face him every single day, which makes it hard for me to completely avoid him. I really don't know what my feelings for him are and what his feelings for me are too. But, I really don't want to confront him at all, moreover I don't want anyone of us to be affected while preparing for O' levels right?

Could you give me some advices and what you think he is thinking? Because, I really cannot read his mind. One day he seems to be so understanding, caring and everything towards me, and another I feel like he's just taking advantage of me in studies and nothing else. By the way, he never showed me any attitude up till now, though I've already gave him lots of cold shoulder though he always has a way to 'cure' it. >.<

Like I've said, I just don't like this uncertain feeling in me that he's giving me, and I thought secretly loving someone is blessed? Why do I feel like actually I really am too young and really don't know what love is at all? Of course my life doesn't revolve around him, because I do let my girlfriends know this situation too, but I guess they really can't understand what he's thinking as well though most of the time they assure my feelings isn't one-way. Sigh.

Finally, thank you for your precious time in reading this, but I do hope my name remains as my nickname instead of my real one, I would gladly appreciate it if you reply me, because I guess I really need to get this off my chest.

Yours sincerely,
"I-don't-know-love-at-all"

Hi,

Actually you have been very clear in telling me your story and I know very well how you feel.

Firstly, I have to tell you the truth and I hope that you can handle that. My first impression is that this guy is really more like "making use" of you. Are you good in your studies or do you look like very easy going? These are some of the reasons why he chose you instead of others. As you said, he has many friends so why he only ask you for help and not others? You are easier to bully?

I understand that he did small actions to touch you but these are just normal. Since he needs your help in his studies, he has to put in some effort too. Thus, he has to make sure that you are willing to help him and he has to make you "love" him. These explain why sometimes he is so so nice to you. And as a young girl, it's only normal that you fell for him.

However, I do not discount the fact that there might be a teeny weeny bit of chance that he likes you too. Maybe as a friend or maybe as a potential girlfriend. But I am sure that he is either indecisive about it or very passive, thats why he is not taking any action.

There are actually some ways you can dissolve this issue. First is to confront him and ask him what he thinks of you but you have stated that you do not want to confront him. Second way is to ignore him which is what you have been doing. Show him that you are not someone that he can ask for help just like that. I am sure if you ignore him for some time, he will get the hint. If he really likes you, he will then tell you and hopefully you will give him a chance. If he doesn't like you, he will know that he can't depend on you for help and he will choose another person to target on.

Let me know what you intend to do ok? You have to keep a clear mind and not to affect your studies.

A Luv Guru

- "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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