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Friday, May 2, 2008

i'm Edmund , 19 tis year and i'm a poly student.My gf is 17 and she jus went in ITE 3 months ago. We have quarrel over privacy as i use to check her sms and chatlogs she had even after she told me the truth i still insist of checking. I did tat because She hides stuff from me because no matter if she tells me the truth, i'll still check her stuff making her so breathless as i'm very possessive.She'll also hide stuffs tat will upset me like if a guy pass her some birthday present she'll keep it to herself as she fear i'll get jealous.But to me, she's hiding and not being frank.I broke her promise 3 times not the check her stuff before we almost got tore apart.i cried infront of her countless times and over the phone begging her to stay cos i'm in the wrong. Normally i'll jus drop tears and no sound. but when she say she feel so tired of me and all those. i really did break down. I told i'll change in return i wan her to be frank with me.we use to be very sweet and she'll sms me she miss me, she loves me, she feels the need of meeting me , sweet talks and all. we spend very close intimacy together which includes intercourse at a legal age.Eventually we got back together , i no longer check her sms or anything else. But many guys wanna know her from ITE and even her classmate wanna woo her despite tat she told them she have a bf. Now tat guy will sms her everyday and she'll reply as long as the guy started the sms or reply her. i did told her how i feel when she keep sms-ing even she spend time with me and all but she say she know her limits and ask me not to worry as friends can only be friend nthing more then tat. Close friends will always be jus close friends and nthing much. And told me she loves me.Once she ask her ITE friends out, but only 3 guys went as her bestfriend ( which is a gal same class as her ) is not free. i wanted to tag along as she's the only gal but she rejected me cos it mend to be a friend outing. i feel very uneasy , i trust her but not the guys as i dunno them .I feel i need to give her the space and freedom because i dun wan to tied her down resulting stress to her. but i wan to feel secure-ness from her which she dont give.In 1 hand i need to trust she know her limits and wont do anything bad to hurt me , and on the other hand i feel so lonely when she's not by myside and i need her to make me feel secure ( we use to meet almost everyday ). i did told her tat i dun see her limit with other guys but she say i'm thinking too much because it's jus sms-ing and there's nthing going on.Even when we're having dinner, tat guy will sms her. And i'll like say in a nice way. can put ur phone aside 1st ? enjoy our dinner and later u sms? i've been trying not to interfer with her sms and the guy tat calls her some nights ( tat guy = tat classmate who wanna woo her ).there's even 1 times after i talk to her. i see tat she's very tired and i went home. she did sms me and told me tat she's turning in now and sms her when i reach home. it was 9.15 when i was going home . done my stuff it's like 10.30pm. i presume she's slping but i use my hp to phone her. and i was on the 2nd line. after a calls i've made. she pickup the call and say she's on the line with tat guy talking abt a friend's brithday tml and sounded rather irritated. TO me it's like r u acting to be aslp not picking up my call ?After a talk with her which she didnt say a word like i expected, i feel tat she wan space for herself and friends. But in my heart i dunno how i'm gonna live a day without her by myside. i feel a need to talk to her, know where she is and all. but i cant as she'll get irritated if i keep smsing her.She's also an introvert which dun say out how much she loves me and all and wat so ever. even on blog and friendster or even msn. dun place nthing abt me. i guess even in front of her friends she also wont talk abt me as she feel there's no link somehow. But she did all those writing abt me last time and all the things she did to show ppl she love me on net is fading before she enter ITE.she did tell me tat the classmate likes her and told her thing like " if i know u before ur bf, will i stand a chance?" and " i wanna be gd to u but u have a bf " all tis stuff. this is only wat she told me but there MIGHT be more.She also dun sms me as much as before when she went ITE and she even set somthing like, we meet like 1 3 5 and sunday. Her sms is likely to be -i'm going to sch now mao ( cat in chinese , the way we call ea other ). reach sch sms u muack. love u. - i having break le, u must eat baobao( full in chinese ) later huh. love u- i after sch sms k. muacks love u- i reach home sms u mao. love u heh. something like tat. and i talk to her on phone, i can hear her sms-ing.Any advice u can give to improve my relationship cause i really do love her.. alot..

Hi Edmund,

Firstly, it's not right of you to check on her smses as you have infringed her privacy. I can see that you loves her a lot. But at the same time you might not be loving her the right way.

Also, both of you are so young and thus relationships at this point will not be very stable unless both of you are of a certain maturity level. At the start of the relationship, both of are very enthusiastic and thus it can be very loving and both of you can meet very often. As time goes, the intensity will be lowered and you cannot expect couples who are together for years to behave the same way when they just got attached. Thus, after she started studying in ITE, she probably needs a lot more time on her own to handle her studies and her own circle of friends. You have to learn to accept that.

With guys around her, it's inevitable that she will have guys interested in her. It will be more weird if she tells you nobody is interested in her right? Thus, I find that your girlfriend is quite open and honest with you on most issues. Some of the things she might hide from you because she knows you will get jealous or angry but that doesn't mean she meant to hide it from you.

In order for your relationship to last and for you to show that you really love her, you have to show her that you are matured enough and no longer the small young boy that gets jealous over small trivial stuffs. Tell her that she can go out with her friends so long as she let you know and have enough time for you and her studies. She will be surprised at your change but she certainly will be impressed. You then have to adjust yourself that you cannot expect to meet her so often. To me, couples can meet twice a week and they can still be very loving. Quality time is more important.

Trust me, you have no choice but to trust her. Even if you don't trust her, there's nothing you can do as you can't spy over her 24 hours. By not trusting her, you will only create a greater barrier between the two of you. If she loves you, she will know her own limits.

All the best okie?

A Luv Guru

- "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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