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Monday, February 11, 2008

4 Feb 08, 18:06

girl: HI GURU! i'm currently 17yrs old going 18. well, have quite a few problems that i cant sort it out myself. hope u can give me some advise (: i'm attached to a NS guy. know him cos we're in the same sec sch & we stay a few blks away. we starting dating abt 1 mth. every sat he book out frm camp, we will always go out till the nxt morning. last sat, he bought me to his hus to wait for him to get changed, aft tat, we went out. he's mom started nagging, saying tat "every sat come out den hang out until morning. TIS IS NT HOTEL! ... somehow, i got feeling tat he's mom is saying it to me. ok, i din take it to heart. tat nite, i asked to go back early but he refused. we hang till 6in da morning den we went back. after a few hrs of slp, we met up again, cos he's gonna book in to camp at night. we went out awhile n went to his hus. he's mom suddenly shout to him "YOU GO TELL HER, DUN COME MY HUS I DUN WELCOME..HER TO MY HUS." was shocked but he ask me nt to take it to heart. while we walk out of the door, she shout to me" I DUN WANNA SEE U ANYMORE, DUN WELCOME U HERE" i was like WTF?! ok, i walked off, i dunno wad he do, i heard smashing things n fighting with his parents, i din bother n walk to my hus. he chased aft me. i feel like an idiot aft tis incident. shag. i feeling like giving up on him. tat nite when he go into camp, he din call or msg me either do i. bt usually we will chat. wad shld i do GURU. =(

Hi girl,

Sorry for the late reply.

I know it's difficult for you and your bf during this period of time as he is serving his NS. Many couples do not survive this stage. For your bf, he should be very stressed over his NS, his mother and you. Thus, both you and his mother should not add on to his stress.

When he book out from camp, I can understand that he wants to spend time with you and not with his mother. That happens to many guys. However, to spend the whole night with you until the next morning is a bit too much also. Reasons being;

1) His mother will think that he is only concern about you and not his family.

2) His mother might be worried what he will doing the whole night with you and what are the consequences given that both of you are so young.

3) He might not have enough rest if he spent the whole night with you and have to book in on sunday night. His mother might also worried about his health and safety in camp if his son is tired.

You have to put yourself in the shoes of his mother. However, it's also not right for his mother to scold you in that manner but I supposed she doesn't know how to communicate to you and even her son. As a good girlfriend, I think you should insist that your bf goes home early to his family so that his mother will not be worried. You will have to sacriface the time you spent with him. In this case, his mother will know that you are a nice girl and might change her attitude towards you, but that will take time.

Another way is to put on hold this relationship first so that your bf can concentrate on serving his NS. Both of you can still be friends and go out occasionally (don't have to be every week). If after his NS both of you still have feelings for each other, then its not too late to be together again.

Whatever your decision, just remember to communicate well to your bf and his family. Is there anyone else you can talk to besides his mother? Any brothers or sisters? It might be easier to work through a 3rd party if both of are are not on speaking terms yet.

Hope that you can sort this out soon. Let me know if you have any other problems.

A Luv Guru

- "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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