Are there times where ur other half felt like an stranger to you? Like you thought you know him/her very well but there are still things which u dont really know at all? Juz wondering if anyone came across such incidents, thats all........

poorme

Hi poorme,

The constant thing among all human beings is that we change. And we change every day. Human beings are quite fickle-minded most of the times. One moment we feels like eating something spicy and next moment we prefer something plain.

As much as we can get to know and understand someone, his or her character. It's difficult to say that we know exactly how the person will react when it comes to different situations.

And also how do you assess that you know the other person very well? Are you sure you really know her very well? Different people have different assessments and measures and there's no 100% correct method.

I think most importantly, you should continue to communicate and interact with this person and to constantly try to understand this person, especially if you like or love her. There's no end to this understanding.

Isn't it a common scene where old married couples still squabbles over small trivial matters? Shouldn't they know each other well enough to know their preferences?

Let me know if you have more questions, ok?

Cheers!


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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Ok peeps, i try to put it as simply as i can. I'm trying hard to forget my ex. we broke up april this year. People have been telling me, the only way u can forget her, is to find a new girl, be happie with her, and hopefully, forget the ex.

My situation now is, i got close to a gal recently, lets call her A. Everything seems happier and livelier when im with her. We are pretty close right now, and it seems tad she'd make a great girlfren. But my dilemma is that, i cant seem to forget my ex. And the feel of being together with "A" juz doesnt feel right, cos im afraid tad i i'll not love her as much as i love my ex.

So the question is. . . Should i give this new relationship a try, and go steady with her. . OR should i juz wait till my mind finally wakes up from thinkin of my ex, but risk losing "A"? Sorry if this post isnt clear. Its close to 5am now, and im not thinking straight. Hope to get responds soon

maskedangel

Hi maskedangel,

Firstly, you have put A in a disadvantageous position as you started with her when you still cannot forget your ex. This is unfair for A as it would be difficult for her to win your heart.

It's also apparent that you do not feel special towards A yet. Maybe it's because you still cannot forget your ex-girlfriend or many she is not the one for you. So this is what I suggest you can do;

1) Sort out your thoughts as to whether A is the right girl for you or not. If yes, then you will need to forget about your ex and start anew. If you need time to do that, you can tell A frankly. I think she will appreciate your frankness.

2) Only when you can forget your ex and ready for a new relationship, then you can start going out with A or other girls. This will be fairer for them.

I hope you can sort out your thoughts as soon as possible as opportunities do not come back easily.

Let me know what happens ok?

All the best.

A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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I'm confused and hoped that someone can enlightened me on this. She n I went into the company at the same time. At first, we are quite close as we help each other since we are doing the same job scope and we are non perm staff. I would say that I am not attracted to her at first. As time goes, I find that I tend to think of her at times. When she was feeling down, my heart went out for her and my mood was affected too. However it seems that we are drifting apart. Nowadays we don't really talked to each other ex for work related. I tried to make small talks but the response from her is cold. I mus say tt the reason is that durin work, I tend to be v focused on my work n tt could be one of the reaon why we hav drifted. She also began to be close to my other male colleagues. They often keep to themselves and keepin me out of the loop. Recently she has been gettin along with one of my boss very well, often stayin back and buyin stuff for him. I mus said tt I'm jealous of this... Am I in love w her? What shld I do next?

Vinny

Hi Vinny,

It seems that you are in love with her. However, this could also happened to good friends as well especially if you are more possessive. She being close to other male colleagues and staying back for her boss does not mean that she "loves" them. She might just be friendly and helpful. And ain't helping our bosses what we have to do at work?

If you really think that you are in love with her, try asking her out and see how she reacts. I would rather you seize the opportunity now then to regret later.

Let me know if you need more advice.

A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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14 Nov 07, 21:45yara: I feel so down , his sister told me that he is interested in other girl , I feel like a stupid ...Like I involved myself in a relation ..I'm happy 4 him but it's a bit hard 4 me to imagine that he fall in love with somebody else..I have to forget about it , at the end I can not think of someone who is thinking in someone else !! thanx alot Luv Guru for helping me...bye

Hi yara,

You're welcome. I am glad that you shared your problems and questions with us.

Are you very sure what his sister said is true? If yes, I know how it feels to be in your situation. It certainly hurts to know that someone you love is in love with another person. However, there are cases where someone continues to be a friend in this situation and in the end she might be able to win his heart because she touched him with sincerity.

I am not suggesting that you do this if you do not wish to. You can continue to be his friend and yet keep your options open for other guys as well. Do not close up your social circle and hide in the darkness. Stay positive and confident and continue meeting new friends and in this way, you will make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex. You never know when this guy might change his mind.

I don't think I have helped much but just more of offering a listening ear to you.

All the best and do come back if you have other questions.


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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13 Nov 07, 11:09star: iie hab a verii chio stead, but she hv mani other boys like her. iie m v worried that she will leave mii. What can iie do to keep her by my side?

Hi star,

Firstly, you have to learn to have confidence in yourself and also trust in your "stead". Girls usually do not like guys who do not have confidence in themselves and kept getting suspicious, jealous or over-protective.

There is nothing much you can do to ensure that she don't leave you. What's yours will be yours eventually. All you can do is to be a good bf and these are the qualities in my opinion;

1) Caring
2) Concern
3) Sensitive
4) Listens to her problems and thoughts
5) Communicate with her
6) Faithful
7) Responsible
8) Accomodating
9) Remembers all anniversaries and her birthday

If you have the above qualities and yet she still leaves you, it's probably her lost then.

Don't worry so much and learn to relax and take things easy ok?


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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13 Nov 07, 11:07bee: I really like my gf, but i tink she can be quite irritating at times? Should i break up with her?

Hi bee,

There are many factors that determine whether you should carry on with your gf or not. How much do you love her? And how irritating is she?

If she is so irritating to the extent where you cannot stand her, then both of you won't be happy together right? If she is only occasionally irritating and you love her very much, then maybe you can still consider?

Another way is to talk to your gf about this and see what was the cause of her being so irritating. Sometimes she might not know that she is irritating to you, she might think that it's ok or cute even. Try to communicate more with your gf and see if it helps. If after several attempts and she still failed to stop being irritating, then I guess you don't have much of a choice, right?


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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12 Nov 07, 21:58hihi: will a girl try to force herself loving someone else instead of being with the one she love? will she give me up? she is those kind who is soft heart and kind who dont wish to hurt others. guru she say she dont have a good reason to break...we love each other...but...why must this happen...it really hurts...

guru can i ask on behalf of the girl i like? she say her bf called and say he has been cheated and thought he is just a replacement of me...and she say she dont know wat to do now..this is getting bad i really dont mind wat the ending would be..i just want her to be happy again..what is the best ending guru?

Hi hihi,

Ok, the situation looks quite bad right now. So, can I assume that your girlfriend told her bf about you and her feelings about you?

Some girls can actually force herself to love someone that she don't really love. In the older days, there are people who can get married to someone they don't love and stay with them for the whole life. I would say that it's rather rare to find such girls in the modern days where most people will fight for their true love, to the extent of going against their parents' approval to eloping etc. She has a good reason to break off with her bf actually, which is she don't love him at all.

I have no idea why she told her bf about you in the first place. Her bf was right in saying that she cheated him of his feelings and he is only a substitute for you. All she can do now is to apologise to her bf and break off immediately. The more she drag on, the more hurt will be inflicted on all 3 parties. I think this is the best solution for her.

Then I suggest you do not jump into this relationship immediately. Let her have some time to cool down and sort out her thoughts so she knows very sure what she wants. I don't want you to suffer the same fate as her bf.

However, I have to advice you that this girl doesn't seems to know what she wants and do not have a strong mind of her own. She is easily influenced by situations and will often give misleading signals as well. I certainly hope that she is not out to "play" you guys. There are certainly such people around so don't be surprised.

I hope you can see the whole thing with a clear mind first before making any moves. The best ending is that her bf accepts her apology and leaves her for good. Then she cool down for a period of time and realise that she loves you a lot and be together with you.

Take care :)


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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11 Nov 07, 11:24hihi: guru recently im in love with a girl who has a bf...she is close to me and we sms each other everyday and she told me she is happy being with me..i know it is not right to get into their bgr but i have a strong feeling that she is interested in me...will a girl give up a relation for another guy? she is the type of girl we dont wish to hurt others...she is kind and sweet.should i give up?

Hi hihi (sounds weird),

Yes. A girl will give up a relationship for another guy. Firstly, maybe her present relationship is not ideal or she might be having problems. In this case, it is very easy for her to fall for another guy if the other guy is much better.

I think the point here is how are you going to carry on with this relationship without getting hurt and without being accused of snatching someone's girlfriend. Firstly, if you are very sure that this girl is interested in you, you should tell her to settle her present relationship first before proceeding further with you. This would be fairer to you and better for her too. If she is hesitant to do so, then maybe she wasn't serious about you or she might be confused and don't know what she wants either. If not, then she is just trying to enjoy having the love and concern of 2 guys at the same time. Some people can be like that.

Assess the situation and decides what you want to do. But right now, I would advise you not to put in too much hope and expectation yet so that you won't get hurt.

Let me know what happens ok?


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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10 Nov 07, 21:23protollium: I wanna ask her out after the exams but i dunno where to go.. i have nv been on a date with a gal...

Hi Protollium,

You can start off asking about books or IT stuffs then suggest going to bookstores or IT shops? You can also ask for advice in terms of dressing or hairstyle then ask if she could accompany you to shop for some new clothes?

It does not need to be a serious date for the first time. Find some common stuffs and just go out as friends or buddies first. Or if she needs to go somewhere, you can offer to accompany her.

Just find an opportunity and seize it ok?


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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10 Nov 07, 17:29yara: & every time we're talking about the college + about his project 4 graduation , I think he has to realize that I'm really interested in him otherwise I won't ask him about his plans after college..till now he didn't ask me to go out & I'm oK with that , maybe it's really huge step 4 a shy guy!but I feel worry ,if he start to think of me or not !! OK,tomorrow I'm gonna see him , should I say "hi" & try to chat with him ...or just forget about it & let every thing goes normal!!

Hi Yara,

Some guys are just that slow. They won't know that you are interested in him just because you asked about his plans after college. Yes, if he is really a shy guy he won't ask you out unless you ask him out first.

I can see that you still like this guy very much. Yes, you should continue to chat with him and see how it goes. Find a chance to go out with him. Doesn't need to be a serious date but there must be some common things that both of you are doing. Going library? bookstores? IT stuffs? Or pretend to seek help from him to help you with computer stuffs? Important thing is someone have to create some opportunity!

Let me know if you finally have the chance to go out with him.


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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10 Nov 07, 05:37yara: Well ...I tried to chat to him several times , it was ok...he was kind with me ...but I felt like I was pushing him to do this ...cause it never happend before that he comes and start chat with me ...

Hi Yara,

Glad that you are back!

What do you mean by you felt like you were pushing him? What did you do?

Most people will not chat with you if they do not feel like doing it, unless there are some hidden reasons. And just because he never did it before doesn't mean he cannot start chatting with you. Maybe he started to get interested?

So, what did he chat with you about? Have you all started going out yet?


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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9 Nov 07, 23:30 may: A friend intoduced a supposedly guy of good criteria to me ( as what she heard from people ), during the first meeting ( the very first time I saw this person ), he was very causually dressed in T-**** .... I mean he was very causally dressed in T-shirt and shorts, this friend of mine heard from people about him, but during the first meeting I was slightly taken back by his many questions about my monthly salary and how long I have been working.

Question: Has choosing girlfriend been reduced to using one's earning ability as the first point to think of already?

Hi May,

Thanks for dropping by my blog. My answer is no definitely. Earning ability should not be the first point to consider when it comes to choosing girlfriends.

I must say that this friend of you do not really behave well in terms of social etiquette. It is definitely rude to ask any friend, be it guy or girl, their monthly pay when you first met. It's such a taboo to do that, even close friends do not reveal such sensitive topics.

It's alright to ask about their occupation because that is the common question that people ask. And whether your girlfriend is a teacher or a doctor or a sales assistant do make a difference. I am not talking about social status but more of whether there's any common topics to talk about.

And you said he dressed casually? Does he know that he is meeting a potential girlfriend and where was the place you all met up? Sometimes it depends on the venue also. But at the least he needs to be decently dressed up and clean, regardless of venue.

So besides all these, what's your impression of him?


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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9 Nov 07, 16:56protollium: Hi thanks for posting my problems. Recently the gal in my story told me another guy was after her. And that guy is one of my friends. Then she told me she would keep her options open and start as fren.

So is she unsure of herself and her feelings tats why she wants to try out both my fren and me?

Hi protollium,

Thanks for coming back to my blog. Most people are usually very glad or happy when they know someone is after them. This is because it shows that they are attractive and in demand. Thus, some people even enjoy it when more people are after that.

For your case, it seems like this girl is very frank and honest with you which is a good thing. However, she also let you know that you have a rival! So she might be hinting that you need to do more in order to win her heart. On the other hand, she might be telling you that you don't have a chance since there's another guy after her. These are 2 possibilities.

If it's me, I will continue to be friends with her if I am sincere about her. I won't do extra things to win her heart but I will continue to show her that I am sincere. I will do my best to be with her and listen to her when she needs me. I hope to touch her with my sincerity.

I hope that you will be successful in your pursue. Let me know ok?


A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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I am a 17 year old jc student. I feel rejected in every aspect of life. I am feeling really depressed now and feel like dying... but i am scared of cutting my wrist although i have tried before. I jus took my promos... no need to think, i m quite sure i flopped my exams. in addition to that, there is no one around me to give consolation. my class totally ostrocize me n i rili feel lyk jumping down from the 4th floor. I have totally no coommon topic with my classmates. They always like to play pranks on me. During breaks, the guys always go off together without me. ***..then i have to eat by myself. the gals all think i am a loser!!! wth!!

Although i admit i am not very good looking but i think i am decent looking. Recently i told a gal in my class that i like her. she said she wants to focus on her studies and only want to be friends. however from then on she started avoiding me. she even make a joke of me. i even overheard one of her friends saying "he so er xin and such a loser still dare to jio u". i feel very sad after hearing this. What shall i do?

Lost

Hi Lost,

I sympathise with you that you have to go through all these while other youths are having lots of fun with their friends. I remembered that in my time, we do have some students in class that suffered the same fate as you. They were always the one being made fun of. Somehow there's something different about them. They usually fall under one or more of the below categories;

1) They look weird, nerdy or geeky.

2) They are quiet and easily intimidated.

3) They can't communicate well with others.

4) They dress weirdly or carry weird bags or accessories.

Somehow they are just different. No, I don't mean that they deserve all these just because they are different. But for other kids, these people are easy targets for ridicule and pranks and they knew they can get away with it.

These are some suggestions that I thought you can do;

1) Continue to be yourself and be different from the rest. This is your style and soon people will recognise you for this. However, your style needs to be positive. That means you can be artistically dressed up but not sloppy or ugly. Having a positive style of your own is good.

2) Try to change yourself a bit so that you can blend in with the rest. You do not have to throw away your preferences but can make changes bit by bit so that others will not find it weird to associate themselves with you.

3) Build up your confidence and learn to communicate well with others. Do not feel scared of taking the 1st step because you never know until you try, right?

As for the girl you like, you are probably better off without her if she's someone that say such nasty things about you. It shows that she's not that nice a girl afterall. After you managed to improve your self-confidence and am to mingle and blend in with the rest, I am sure you wouldn't have any problem looking for the right girl.

All the best!

A Luv Guru

 - "It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" ... ;

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